What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
