he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
