I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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