I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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