I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She told me I should be a condom model.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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