i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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