ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
