hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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