i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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