I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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