3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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