Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
