Can i not drive my cunt home
i think my mom watched the whole time
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
