Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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