wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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