it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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