idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
