I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
