So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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