I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
