I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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