A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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