ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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