I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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