Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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