some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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