Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
