thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
