Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
