Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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