Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
