these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
