He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
