$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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