We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
