i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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