I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
