I am in a vortex of obligation.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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