I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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