this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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