it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
sex in a hospital.. check
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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