dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
