I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Randomize
