turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
