i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
