3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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