my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize