dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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