jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
