the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
