Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
