apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
