I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
