apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
