it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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