They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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