So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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